The Hardest Thing

Peter is such an intriguing person to me. I believe he represents all of us at different points in our lives. He is so eager to follow the Lord. He is so willing and ready in his thoughts and words. And yet, he fails. Over and over again he fails at following through. And this is who the Lord chooses to lead the Church. He is the rock despite his shortcomings and because of his willingness to get back up after he falls and follow the Lord once again.

In today’s gospel, Peter says he will go so far as to follow the Lord to his own death, “I will lay down my life for you” (John 13:37). But we all know the story and what happens next is not the case. Peter does exactly what the Lord predicts, even though he has already heard from the Lord’s own mouth the way in which he will fail Him. For most of this, this could lead to shame and discouragement. When we fail the Lord, in big and small ways, we find ourselves thinking there is no way God will forgive me this time. I have fallen too many times. I have failed Him far too often. But what the Lord sees in Peter, He sees in you and me, the ability to repent.

Repentance is the key to our salvation. Without it we are spiritually dead. Only when we are willing to take a look at our wrongs, to see where we have offended God and our neighbor, will we inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. The gift of our free will is for this very purpose, to choose to turn to the Lord, to choose to love God and neighbor. Because in our choosing love, we break free from sin and suffering. Repentance is choosing to love God, ourselves and others enough to do the hard thing.

Turning back to God when we have fallen is not easy. I would venture to say it is the hardest thing we will do in our lives. And yet the hardest thing is the very thing that strengthens us for the journey ahead. Peter fell over and over again in His life with the Lord, but what sets Peter apart from Judas is that Peter repented. He turned back to the Lord, whom he loved, and he eagerly followed Him once again. This pattern is of a childlike heart. To truly believe that when you repent, that you are forgiven. To truly believe that when I turn back to the Lord, He will accept me and love me right in that place. To truly believe that God is good and that he wants what is best for me, even when I fail Him.

Today is a day to reflect on Peter. In all his failings, Peter is chosen. It is the same for each one of us. In all of our failings, we are chosen by our Lord. God chooses us although we are sinners. He calls us to repent over and over again in our life, so that at our final hour, we will choose one last time to repent of all that is revealed to us, the big and little ways we have offended God, so that we will enjoy eternal life with our Lord in heaven.

Image: Jacopo Bassano’s the Last Supper