Resisting the Holy Spirit

The story of St Stephen is pretty incredible. He is the first martyr of the Church. The account of his martyrdom is recorded in the Acts of the Apostles in great detail and he is intimately linked to Saul, who became St. Paul after his conversion, and who was present at Stephen’s stoning.

Last year I was reminded of this story in light of my own conversion. Back when I was in my first year of college, when I was turned away from the Lord, my mother was at home taking care of my grandfather who was dying. He was eventually put in hospice care at my parents’ house, in my old bedroom to be exact. He died within a few weeks in that room, while I was away at college. My grandfather’s name was Paul. When I was home for the funeral, sleeping in my old bedroom, I had a very vivid dream. It was my grandfather’s face. He was smiling at me with a huge smile. There were no words spoken and nothing happened in the dream, but the feeling I experienced was pure love, pure joy.

In Rome at the Basilica of St Paul Outside the Walls, there is a chapel dedicated to St Stephen. Church tradition holds that St Stephen’s martyrdom, his prayers and sacrifice at the moment of his death, impacted Saul and is attributed to Saul’s conversion. In chapter 7 of the Acts of the Apostles we hear the preaching of St Stephen that leads to his death. In this discourse, St Stephen goes through the history of salvation of the Jews from Abraham all the way to Jesus. He scolds the Jews, whom he was preaching to, telling them that they killed the prophets and murdered Jesus, the long awaited Messiah. Near the end of his preaching, St Stephen so poignantly points out, “you stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers did, so do you” (Acts 7:51). When St Stephen points out that the Jews were resisting the Holy Spirit it absolutely infuriated the crowd and they wished to murder St Stephen.

What does it mean to resist the Holy Spirit? I would say it means to ignore love, to not listen to the voice of God, to rely on our own understanding, to think we know what’s best, to let anger, malice and deceit reign in our hearts, to try to take matters into our own hands, to put God to the side so that we may accomplish our own agenda, which always means feeding our own ego. This is exactly what Saul was doing and it was exactly what I was doing back in my first year of college. While I wasn’t out there murdering people, I was harboring all of these things within my own heart. When St Stephen points these things out to the crowd, they immediately led him out to be stoned to death. They couldn’t bear the fact that they had been called out in this way. They believed they were acting on behalf of God, when in reality they were acting on behalf of their own egos.

In this moment, we see St Stephen do something so remarkable, “and he knelt down and cried with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ And when he had said this, he fell asleep” (Acts 7:60). Stephen forgives those who were stoning him, including Saul, and in doing this he mirrors Christ as the crucifixion.

“To accept martyrdom witnesses to complete faith in God’s faithfulness; it forcefully manifests hope in the resurrection of the body and eternal life; and it is the highest expression of love for someone to love God more than his or her own life. Indeed this is the greatest act of love of God and neighbor that anyone can make: Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends... The Incarnation and the Passion of Christ show how much God loves us; an the acceptance of martyrdom shows how humankind, through the grace of Christ, are capable of loving God.”

Father Jacques Philippe

Imagine if you were to witness a martyrdom. There is no doubt that we would be moved because it touches us at the core of who we are as Christians. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ sacrificed his own life for the redemption of all mankind. To witness a martyrdom is to witness a reflection of the one sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. St Stephen’s martyrdom assuredly moved Saul. Maybe it softened his heart just enough so that the Holy Spirit could break through leading to Saul’s full conversion on the road to Damascus. This link between St Stephen and the conversion of St Paul is really something worth meditating upon further, especially today on the feast of St Stephen.

Last year on Dec 26th when I remembered my grandfather Paul; his death, his dying in my bedroom, the dream I had of him; I called my mom to find out the exact date that he died. It was March of my first year of college. When I reflected back on this time in my life, this was also when I had started going back to mass. You see, all year I was experiencing a deep seated homesickness that I just couldn’t shake. It ate away at me and I tried everything to try to numb the pain. Finally that spring I started going back to mass. It was where I was able to experience a little piece of home. This was the first step back toward God that I took and from this one choice, I was eventually led to full conversion.

Now don’t get me wrong, my grandfather was not a martyr, nor do I know if he was praying for me or sacrificing for my conversion in his final days on earth, but I am positive that he interceded for me after his death. The dream I had was his way of telling me that. At the time I didn’t understand the dream nor did I make the connection on the timing of all these things. But today I do see them more clearly and I will forever be grateful to my grandfather Paul, whose prayers and death will be forever intimately untied to my conversion.