Self-Knowledge is not Egocentricity

I was recently reading the experience of someone who was reading through one of their old journals. Based upon the journal entries, this person was reflecting on the fact that at that time in their life they seemed to be so self-absorbed, mainly because they wrote so much about where they were in their spiritual journey and what they were discerning they needed to do moving forward to progress along the way. The comment was made by this person that they thought themselves to have been so egocentric back then.

This struck me because one of my favorite saints of all time, St Catherine of Siena, wrote a lot about self-knowledge. In her book the Dialogue, St Catherine is very clear about the importance of self-knowledge, explaining that it is the means by which we grow in humility.

While we may initially consider looking inward at ourselves as egocentric, the type of inward reflection that St Catherine is speaking of, which she describes as entering into the cell of self-knowledge, always includes the guidance of the Holy Spirit. By taking time to reflect upon and let the Holy Spirit guide us into a deeper understanding of who we are, including how we tend to fall into sin, we open up our hearts to a deeper reconciliation with the Lord. Self-knowledge gives us the opportunity of growing closer to Christ. If we shy away from looking inward in this way, we risk becoming stagnant in our faith and sliding backward into confusion and vice.

The Holy Spirit is the Convictor, which means one of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to reveal to us in love our sins and motivate us in hope to repent and turn away from those sins and toward Christ. This is a lifelong process. We never get to the point where we stop looking inward, where we stop in our efforts of purifying our hearts so as to live more fully in Christ. This lifelong journey is the journey of each and every saint that has ever lived. The moment we stop battling for our own soul, our own salvation, the enemy grabs ahold of us and starts pulling us away from the Lord; many times without our even knowing it. Furthermore, we cannot give what we don’t already possess. The more we personally grow closer to the Lord, the more we are able to give in more perfect charity to our neighbor. Christ wants to use us in this way, to share His love with all those we encounter. Growing in holiness is not only for our own salvation, but also for the salvation of our neighbor.

Unfortunately, the enemy is really good at twisting the truth. If he were to come at us with bold-faced lies, we typically would know and call his bluff. So he more often starts out by twisting the truth. Getting us to misunderstand humility is one of his most powerful strategies because pride, the opposing vice to humility, is the root of all sin.

I dare to say that St Catherine of Siena would not consider it egocentric to be committed to knowing yourself and working toward purifying your heart, in order to grow closer to the Lord. When we focus on our own healing and deeper reconciliation with the Lord, when we are brave enough to do this, opportunities begin to open up for healing and reconciliation in our human relationships. A firm commitment to purifying our hearts, especially while also frequenting the Sacrament of Confession, is necessary in order for us to more fully cooperate with God in our eternal salvation. Jesus Christ redeemed us by the cross, but God deems us worthy of working out our salvation alongside Him, by the power of His grace freely given to us, throughout the whole of our life here on earth.

Beware of the twisted truth that preaches a false humility, which has crept its way into our culture and our Church.

Another great saint, St Joan of Arc, has a lot to teach us about authentic humility. Although we may not initially think of humility when we think of St Joan of Arc, she actually is a great model for us of this virtue. In true humility, St Joan of Arc knew well the truth of who she was and who God was, and she therefore was able to acknowledge her dignity and the greatness God was calling her to, as well as believe in the divine assistance that God would provide her in her mission. Here we see that humility does not always mean we are to remain hidden and little, but we can be humble and also called to something big and public. This is because humility is the virtue of those who live the truth of who they are, which requires the practice of self-knowledge. Our mission in life is discovered in our ability to authentically know ourselves, including both our strengths and weaknesses, and to be able to do God’s will no matter what.

There is no doubt in my mind that St Joan of Arc spent time in the cell of self- knowledge. She wouldn’t have been able to do what she did without a great amount of understanding of who she was and who God was. She is a model for us of how to walk in both humility and magnanimity. God desires great things for each one of us! This greatness may be more public like St Joan of Arc or more hidden like St Therese of Lisieux, but either way it is great in the eyes of God. May we grow ever closer to Him through the necessary practice of self-knowledge, so that we too can live out our calling and our mission in the world.