Little Girl, Get Up!

He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha cum,” which means, “Little girl, get up!”

Mark 5:41

This past year the Lord has given me a pretty heavy cross to carry. It is one I have come to know well. As I willingly carry it, I have come to realize that it serves as a means of humbling me and keeping me grounded in my need for God. You see, it is times when we think we have it all figured out, when we have a hold of life and we are in control that we forget about our need for God. This cross, while it is very hard at times to carry, is also that which keeps me so very close to the Lord and for that I am eternally grateful.

Blessed Columba Marmon, a twentieth century monk (1858-1923), writes extensively about what it means “to be nothing,” which was inspired by the words of Jesus recorded in John 15:5b “apart from me, you can do nothing”. Our “nothingness” is not to be interpreted as the striping of our dignity, but it is an ordered expression of humility that rightly credits God for His work in us. Remembering this teaching of Blessed Columba has been ever so important to me this week.

I began my week meeting up with a friend who wanted to chat and share her story. I am so grateful to her for being so brave and opening up in the way she did. We as women can sometimes have such a hard time being vulnerable with one another. I think it is because we spend so much time comparing and competing, instead of encouraging and loving one another. As my friend was opening up, I remember thinking one thing, she has incredible faith! As we spent some time in conversation, we talked about the idea of listing out all of our fears and then asking ourselves two questions: if this thing I fear so much actually happened in my life, would God still love me and would I still love God? I was convinced this would help her in her situation and I hadn’t thought much more about it… until I ran into her again a couple days later. I was struggling more than usual that day and she shared with me that doing this exercise was so fruitful for her. I realized right then and there that I needed to do the same.

Rewinding a bit, the past couple weeks or so, the cross I have been carrying seemed to be getting heavier and heavier. The devil was throwing all kinds of lies and condemnation at me in my mind, so much so that I was having a hard time believing what thoughts were right and which ones were wrong. With the lies came an abundance of fear and it was beginning to really overwhelm me. I was being completely bullied by the enemy and I felt like I was taking on so much more than my own cross that had been given to me by God. I was getting to the point of not being able to bear it any longer.

After running into my friend and realizing I had to face my fears just as she had done, I went home that day and fell on my bed with a rosary in hand and began to pray as tears streamed down my face. I went through and named all of my fears, telling Jesus that I was afraid of all the worst outcomes that I had been worried about. In doing this I began to see that all of these fears had been loaded on top of my cross and that was what was weighing me down. The enemy was using these fears against me, giving me a much heavier load to bear than what Christ was asking of me. As I laid there and cried about the possibility of these things happening to me and those closest to me, my heart was broken, but by God’s miraculous power I did not crumble. Instead I found myself growing in faith and trust in the Lord. Each time I named one of my fears, I let myself mourn it, and then I could finally let it go and grab ahold of the truth that God’s love is more powerful than any hardship of my life. In that moment, I knew in my heart that Jesus would never abandon me and that was the only claim I desired to live by.

After many tears, I laid there in my “nothingness,” rejoicing that God had set me free. He had lifted the burden of my fears and placed His yoke upon me. I then heard a still small voice say to me “little girl, get up!” This line from Mark 5:41 has been with me ever since another good friend sent me a picture of the painting The Raising of Jairus’ Daughter by Edwin Long*, which she viewed while traveling with her family through Europe. She said the painting reminded her of me and while I remember loving the beauty of the painting, I didn’t really know what this particular painting had to do with me, until now. Upon hearing these words of Jesus spoken to me in that moment when I lay lifeless on my bed, the Lord was showing me that He’s been with me all along, just as He was with Jairus’ daughter. He knew He’d find me in this place where I needed Him to call me up out of the darkness and bring me back to life.

As I sat up in my bed that day, I did so with a renewed sense of peace and strength. In the naming of my fears, handing them to Jesus, and making an act of trust in God’s goodness and love for me and those closest to me, the enemy lost his power over me. I was strengthened by God to no longer listen to the “what ifs” that the enemy had placed in my mind and on my heart. I was renewed in my trust in God and in His love for me and my family.

The crosses of Christ that we are to take up and carry in our lives are crosses of love, not crosses of fear and condemnation. We are given crosses because our love must be tested in order to be proven. When Christ asks us to carry a cross, He is in fact there with us walking His passion alongside our own. His presence is ever before us and around us giving us hope and comfort. The way of the cross, although marred with pain and strife, leads to life. Because Jesus bore His cross, He is able to help us carry ours.

“Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.”

Hebrews 2:18

Our crosses are not supposed to weigh us down in spiritual oppression. Our crosses should not be marred with fear. Oppression and fear are the works of the devil. God is love and in Him we experience His love even in our darkest hour. I am forever grateful to God for coming to me in my time of need and sending me holy friends to speak His words of hope and comfort. I thank God for these two friends in particular this week whom He has placed in my life and I praise Him for always being my Advocate.

*Image: The Raising of Jairus’ Daughter by Edwin Long (1829-1891) – Victoria Art Gallery, Bath, Somerset, England