Asleep in the Boat

There have been times in my life when all at once it seems that everything falls apart. During these times, as I work to get one thing “under control” something else ends up going wrong and it seems to never end. I can spend most of my time doing damage control all around me, putting out one fire after another, and never really having time to recover or get my bearings. Oftentimes this way of operating doesn’t seem to do any good as things keep going wrong. And yet somehow the little I am able to do is always better than doing nothing at all. In these times I am reminded of Jesus asleep in the boat.

On that day, as evening drew on, he said to them, “Let us cross to the other side.” Leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat just as he was. And other boats were with him. A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat, so that it was already filling up. Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion. They woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Quiet! Be still!” The wind ceased and there was great calm. Then he asked them, “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” They were filled with great awe and said to one another, “Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?”

Matthew 4:35-40

During this big storm, while the apostles were out in the boat, the water was filling up the boat and the apostles were frozen in fear. They saw Jesus asleep in the stern and they ran to him in panic and woke him up in a scornful way, accusing Jesus of not caring that they were in danger. Essentially what happened is that the apostles saw no way out of their peril and so they let go of faith and clung to fear.

How many times do I do the same thing? When all seems to be failing me, when it seems there is no way out, I too let go of faith and cling to the fear that swarms upon me. For the apostles in the boat, I imagine that the wind from the storm rocked the boat around violently, the waves crashed over the boat and water began to fill into the boat. This storm had rocked the boat completely out of their control and they knew they couldn’t calm the storm, but they didn’t know what they could do to help their situation.

During this time of turmoil and distress, Jesus lay asleep in the stern. Perhaps they wondered if he even knew what is going on? They questioned how can he sleep when such dramatic events are taking place right here in his midst. Perhaps they wondered if Jesus really even cared about them after all. The fear of the situation had gotten to them and their one response was to wake up Jesus and start yelling at him.

It never says why Jesus was asleep in the boat, but perhaps he was giving the apostles an opportunity to prove their faith. Jesus’ closet friends would say they love him and that they will be faithful to him no matter what, but this can only be true when it is tested and tried to be true.

So too with my own faith, which is only found to be true through the endurance of the storms of life. I can speak of faith, I can even teach it to others, but only when it is lived out during my trials can it be truly proven to be embedded into my heart and soul. Jesus could very well have been “sleeping” in the midst of the storm in order to allow the apostles the chance to prove their faith.

It is interesting because even though Jesus is described as being asleep, he still knew exactly what was going on. When the apostles wake him up he immediately rebukes the wind and says to the sea “Quiet! Be still!” He doesn’t wake up confused and in need of clarification. Jesus was with them all along. He was aware of their situation. He saw the storm, he saw the danger that surrounded them, and yet he waited. Only when the time was right does Jesus act and immediately all is calm; thus his power and his glory are revealed.

When it feels like Jesus is asleep in the storms of my own life, when it feels as if he is letting me perish, it is good for me to remember that he knows exactly what is going on. He is fully aware of the storm and the danger that surrounds me and yet he is giving me an opportunity to reach out to him in faith. He is asking me to prove my faith in him. He is calling me to trust in him ever more deeply.

Waiting for the Lord to wake up and act is all part of the spiritual life. In the waiting, I sometimes get frozen in fear and end up doing nothing, or going to God and yelling at him for not helping me in the way I want and at the time that I think is best. Jesus is so patient with us, just as he was with the apostles who were learning and growing in faith and love. When I experience a storm and my boat is filling up with water, I will do well to cling to faith. To wait on the Lord. To be attentive to what Jesus is doing in the storm and ask him how he wants me to respond in love in the midst of it.

In the midst of the storm, while I wait for the Lord, there is still the little I can be doing to cooperate with God’s saving power. I can still be scooping out the water from the boat, although it seems to be doing nothing about the bigger issue of my being caught in the storm in the middle of the sea. We may not ever know the effects of our little deeds done in love of God, but I pray that one day love will be revealed and I will see where love was sown and the ripple effects it has had. God has made us cooperators in our salvation, not because he needs our help to save us, but because he desires our participation in his saving plan. This is a great gift that I pray I will realize more and more as I go through life. I tend to get caught going back and forth between thinking I have the power to save myself and thinking I can sit around and do nothing. This is a delicate balance in the spiritual life and a mystery to behold with each and every new journey we embark upon.

The apostles could have begun scooping water out of the boat to ensure the boat didn’t sink. As little as this help may have seemed to be at the time, it may have been just enough to strengthen their shield of faith and helped them avoid grabbing ahold of fear. Even though the apostles lacked the faith to endure the storm at this time in their life, Jesus saves them anyway. When we are tried and tested in this life, Jesus doesn’t do so in order to flunk us and banish us to hell if we fail. He did not come into the world in order to condemn us, but he came to lift us up when we fall and give us the grace to try again. The trials and tests that we encounter in this life are to help us grow in faith and love. When we fail, and we will fail, Jesus will always be there to pick us up and save us if we let him. He will calm the storm, but in his perfect time and in his perfect way.

In the times when I feel afraid, when it seems that Jesus is asleep and there is a storm all around me, I hope to become better at holding on to faith and leaning into love, which casts out all fear. I pray that when the storm comes, I will start scooping water out of the sinking boat (or the sinking Church) and do my part to not let the boat sink completely, even though it may seem like my simple work is no match for the huge storm around me. I pray that I will always have the strength to continue on doing my part in faith and love of Jesus, who I know and believe knows everything that is going on, even if he seems to be sleeping.