Praying For Our Children

I recently went on a retreat to Bethany Retreat House in Dickson, Tennessee, which is run by the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia. I have been on retreats there quite a few times and each time I can say that I am drawn closer to my vocation as a wife and mother. Each time the Lord calls me deeper into this mission by striping away my selfishness and drawing me into the life of prayer and mortification for my family.

This past retreat was no different. In His loving gaze, the Lord revealed to me the mystery of praying for my children. When we pray for our children God does in fact impart actual grace upon them, but it is up to them to cooperate with the grace, to turn to God and receive His love. Only in love does a person experience conversion. While we can show our children love in a multitude of ways, praying and fasting for them is a hidden, yet very important way for us to love them.

In praying for our children, the Lord sees in us our deep desire for our children to love Him, but He also sees a need for us as parents to be transformed and healed. The hidden prayers of parents for their children can strip away and purify their own heart because the parents are faced with a point where their own efforts fail. In this, they can do nothing more than to surrender and allow God the space to intervene. This moment of loss, of losing their children into the hand of God, is a complete dying to self and an accent of the will to trust in God alone. In this, God is calling for our own conversion, which is necessary if we are to hope for our children’s conversion. The truth is, when we ourselves are healed, when we learn to truly love, when we are willing to sacrifice for the sake of another and not expect to receive anything in return, then we can be more fully the parents our children need us to be for their own growth and transformation.

In so many ways to try to avoid this ascesis of weakness, this point of abandonment to the will of God. Some of us try to fix or change our children, which more often than not does not succeed. Sometimes our tactic is to tell them what they are doing wrong, speak the truth to them straight up then they will understand. While our intentions here are good, we are wanting what is best for our children, but this approach can also lack love, which is the catalyst for conversion. Another tactic involves forcing our children to be or act a certain way, keeping them tightly under our thumb, but this too can leave out love, and ultimately does not honor the gift of free will that God has given them and we as parents have been entrusted to teach them how to use wisely. Ultimately, we cannot change someone else’s heart, only God can soften hearts. We cannot force someone into conversion, only God can call His children back to Himself. There is a surrender in knowing and accepting that we are not our children’s Savior… Jesus is!

In praying for our children, as hard as it may be, we must be open and willing to be led to deeper conversion ourselves. Oftentimes this is not easy, it can be painful, but it is through our own transformation in becoming more Christ-like that our children will begin to experience Christ in us, often for the very first time. It is through our prayers and sacrifices that our children’s hearts will be softened, so that they may begin to see in a new way the abiding love we have for them, the love that God the Father has for them, and the good intentions we hold in our hearts for their salvation. Conversion happens through love.

It is Christ crucified that brings about new life. When we imitate Jesus on the cross by dying to self and sacrificing for the sake of our children, we become a light in the darkness. The Lord is true to His promises and we must keep at the forefront of our minds and hearts that we are truly never alone in our suffering. This is actually where we are closest to God, so we should expect miracles, healing, purification, and transformation, which are all signs of God’s presence. As we beg God to save our children, we should also be seeking His ever-abiding presence in the midst of our suffering.

More powerful is God’s grace than anything we are going through. More comforting is His consolation. God’s love is what we need, more than our physical wellbeing in this life. Love conquers all and drives out all fear. When we experience God’s love, our problems become easier to carry. No longer does stress and anxiety rule us, as God’s love reigns in our hearts. Our wayward children are a means by which God desires to purify us, as He works to bring good out of all things. Lord Jesus, help me to lay down my pride, to set aside my feelings of despair and to open wide my heart to your healing touch for me and my children.

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