I’m Thirsty

The past couple weeks my preschooler has been asking for a drink of water in a particular way. I originally thought it to be rude because he would just blurt out, “I’m thirsty!” This is not how a well mannered little boy would ask for a drink, and it seemed a little offensive to simply state the need and not really ask for what was needed in a polite manner. I used the opportunity to teach him manners by trying to get him to ask politely by saying “can I please have a drink?”

Then something happened that caught me off guard. We were in the car on the way to preschool and my son was finishing his breakfast. He did not have a drink within reach so he blurted out once again, “I’m thirsty!” Before I could even get the words out to teach my son some manners, the Lord quickly stopped me in my tracks and showed me that this way of asking was what Jesus meant when He said to be childlike. This made me smile. In my relationship with the Lord and in my prayer, perhaps God was inviting me to come to him with a childlike spirit. To simply bring my needs to Him and then leave the rest to Him.

“He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 18:2-4

In the days that followed, this thought began to unfold more for me and I began to pray differently. When I would pray for a deep need of mine, something that would equate to the body’s need for water, I realized that I was asking for what I needed in the way that I thought would be best to fill my need. I was essentially asking God to help me in the way I thought was best. The childlike is one who comes to her Father recognizing that she does not know what she needs, but who comes Him anyway because she knows He is good and loving and powerful enough to help her. It is in this small shift of perspective that I realized that I needed to dig deeper to see why I was asking for help in the first place. Only after identifying this why would I then be then able to identify how I needed to come to the Father with a childlike spirit.

This past year has been a tough one for my family. We have been very financially strapped, but somehow, someway, God has provided. My prayers this year have been for my husband to find work that will be consistent and fulfilling. They have also been that we will have what we need as a family to stay in our home and so forth. Although these prayers are good and are asking God for good things, what I have come to see is that I was asking God to specifically do what I wanted Him to do in order to better my situation. When I started looking deeper as to why I was asking for these specific needs, I discovered that I am afraid for our future and I am hurting for my husband and his job situation. These are the hidden things that I was keeping tucked away so that no one would see, but I was also keeping them hidden from God.

“He will provide the way and the means, such as you could never have imagined.”

St Catherine of Siena

Realizing that God brings all things to the light in order to reveal and heal, I started going to God with these deep pains and they actually became my prayer. I have been just sitting with the Lord and telling Him my fears and worries and because I have opened up to Him in this way, He has been able to comfort me. My weaknesses and my wounds are what Jesus desires that I give Him. They are what the faithful followers of Jesus brought with them to the foot of the cross. They are what Peter bought to the Risen Lord by the charcoal fire. They are what Judas was unable to bring to Jesus, unto his own demise. It is what St Paul carried with him as a thorn in the flesh, because his weakness was the very thing that kept him close to the Lord and what helped him to remain humble.

“Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This new experience in prayer has been like a door opening up in my heart to a new way of loving God and understanding myself more fully as His daughter. When I expose my wounds to the Lord, He meets me there in my weakness and then He provides the grace I need for today. I can honestly say that I am finding myself more confident in the fact that God will be with me no matter what and less worried about how He is going to be there for me.

There is also a “why” here that is really beautiful to dissect; why does my son come to me and simply say “I’m thirsty” when he needs a drink? Perhaps it is because he trusts his mother will fulfill his need; I have proven myself to be there for him in the past and so he is confident that I will be there for him in this moment. As an adult, it is a tremendous act of faith for me to go to the Lord and express my weakness without knowing how God will help me. In doing this, I am in essence proclaiming that God is good, that He loves me, and that I know that He will provide for me in the best way. What a blessing to have this type of relationship with the Lord. While I know I am not there yet, it is now something I am working toward.

Yet, even more so, perhaps my son asks for a drink in this way because he is comfortable being vulnerable with his mama. He knows he can come to me and expose his weakness and I will not ridicule or judge him. As adults it takes courageous vulnerability to expose our weakness to the Lord, especially when we bring it to Him with no strings attached. It is the childlike that teach us how to bear our souls to the Lord in this way. So much more faithful and loving is our Heavenly Father to my son than even I am to him.

“Jesus points out to me the only way which leads to Love’s furnace – that way is self-surrender – it is the confidence of the little child who sleeps without fear in its father’s arms.”

St Therese of Lisieux

When I look back on my life I can truly say that God’s timing and His ways are perfect. This has been evident in my own life and in the lives of the faithful. I tend to forget this truth, especially when I am in the middle of suffering and trials. But this is truth that the childlike stand upon. We can learn so much by observing the humble confidence of a child. When my son tells me “I’m thirsty” it really means he trusts that I will give him something good to drink, the very thing that will quench his thirst.

*Image: The Holy Children with a Shell by Bartolomé Esteban Perez Murillo

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